Morning........

Good Morning everyone. Today I'm going to try to get out of the house. If you have not been out try to go for a walk. Visit a friend. That is what I'm going to do. I have to be sure that I have a ride, because with the gas prices, and no money coming in we can run only one vehicle. It's a sad situation. Looks as though I'm going to try to look harder for a job, it is hard to work with this disorder, I have tried. I do good for awhile, and then I make myself mentally and physically sick. I'm not using it as an excuse to not work, I just know how it makes me. It is hard to see your therapist every month, I don't know I just get so discouraged, and angry at myself because I can't be normal. Please know that I'm blessed to have all of you that visit, and post it means the world to me. Will check back a little later, God Bless.

Things that worry me in my home life......

Just wanted to check in today, I feel somewhat better. Still depressed. You see I worry about EVERYTHING!!! My oldest son is showing some signs of depression. and it scares me. I don't want him to be like me on meds the rest of his life. I want them all 4 to live life to it's fullest, with no regrets. They all 4 have not grew up in a house that they should have. My husband and I have left him several times. I was gone a whole year, I have been back here a year in May. Things here are not the same they never will be again. I have changed, and so has he. I miss the man that he used to be, that man isn't nowhere to be found, and I have come to accept that. He is OK where we are in life, I'm not, He hasn't worked in going on 4 years. It is hard for me to respect him knowing his mom is taking care of us, and he is OK with that. He feels that doing these articles online he is going to make money. If that were true everyone would be on their computers. I just wish that he would get a real job. I hope you all are having a good day. I shall post later, look forward to hearing from you, {HUGS}

Today

Today has been a bad day for me, I woke up with a lymph node swelled in my throat, and it scared me, I have been panicking inside wondering what it is. As the tears roll I hate this. I'm not a hypochondriac  I'm a person that is afraid of surgery, cancer, and dyeing. IT scares me until this day, and I have come to realize that when it is my time the Good Lord is going to take me no matter what I say. I sat here and tried to tell my husband how I felt, he has been so rapped up in hubs and things that we his family have become obsolete. I was crying out to him he just typed away, I know he feels his work is important, but it is like LOOK I need you to listen to ME can I have 5 minutes of your time. That's why I'm glad I can come here. If you come here and you know me personally, know that I have anxiety I'm still me, but I do worry a lot, This isn't a fun disorder to have, and to fight it alone at times is so hard. Like I told you before, having an attack is just like having the first one. I'm sorry that I'm not real supportive at this moment. I just had to vent, I hope to hear from you, and know that your words are important to me, Please post if you feel up to it. 

Feeling down:(

I just don't feel like I'm reaching anyone, it makes me sad. I hope that some of you are getting something out of this. {HUGS}

You ask me questions..........

Anything that you might want to know about me,ask. Maybe some quiet viewer will ask me something. I'm an open book, and will answer to the best of my ability. I await to see a question. Thanks again for viewing my page it means a lot. {HUGS}

Symptoms..........

Sometimes I feel that my meds are not working anymore. That they just take the edge off. My head crawls all the time above my ear, it comes and goes, and it is very irritating. I have heart palpitations, they have got better.  I'm in a world of hurt with stomach problems, I can eat and then 6 to 7 hours later I'am up with pain. But this has been happening for a year, I have pretty much just got used to it. anyone have any ideas on what it might be I would appreciate some response to what you think that it might be. My nerves don't help.

I know that you probably in your life of depression, you have had some symptoms that have scared you, I'm so sorry that you have had to go through it to, I feel for each and ever one of you that comes here. We are all in this together. Depression and Anxiety is controllable. A lot of people see a therapist, and a lot of people use meds. I was just giving you some symptoms that I have even though I'am on meds. Please if you feel like posting, do. Would love to hear you story. And thanks again for reading my post. 

My Thoughts..........

As I sit here and look out the window, I wonder why, and when I will be able to smile again, I'am so unhappy. Yes I know that it is up to me to make myself happy. A vacation would be so nice. I have to look at it this way, Yes I'm unhappy, but there is someone out there fighting for their life with cancer, a child suffering from some kind of cancer, and I think I have problems. There is a woman,man, or child suffering in silence because they are being beat on a daily basis. I wish that I could save them all, There is someone out the with a bad drug addiction crying out for help, and no one sees it. The homeless, I know they had something at one time. Please know that I'am writing my thoughts, these are the people that I think about when I get down. I want you to post your thoughts, you do not have to give a name, If you are suffering talk about it, it helps I promise. {HUGS}

Wanted to tell you about..........

I want to tell you about my Granny, She is a nurse, when I started having panic attacks 17 years ago, I was so glad her and paw paw lived minutes away from me, granted  I went there a lot. When this started, I was scared of everything. They always made me feel better. I just wanted you to know that it was a blessing to have them there for me, My paw paw is with Jesus, now can't wait to see him again. My Granny is still going strong. If you read this Granny Thank you, I love you. I don't know if you have the same problem that I have but the nights were, and sometimes are the worst for me. We never realize how the ones around us are feeling,I mean that honestly, all I cared about was me, what was wrong with me. It was not done intentionally, I look back and it was selfish of me. Please if you are going through panic, and or depression, post there is help here, you do not have to give your name. I just want to know that I'am helping just one person by reading my post, leave a comment. {HUGS}

Having a Venting buddy.......

I hope that you have someone that you can go to when things just don't feel right. I have one, she is great she is a mom of 2 beautiful girls, and a true friend to me. It always helps to talk it out. I am asking all of my viewers that come if you pray please say a prayer for her and he family her mamma is in the hospital, and she live away from her mom and it is hard for her to get to her mom when she needs, and wants too. I wish that we were a world with no hurt, and no pain, but we wouldn't have choices. It is so beautiful here today I am going to go out and get some vitamin D with my boys. We go for walks, and talk. I just love them so much. I will soon be loosing my oldest to the Air Force, I try not to think about it, because it hurts, but I think that he needs some structure in his life, and maybe this will be good for him. Life is so fast forward now it is hard to believe that we don't stop to smell the flowers. Please post if you want, you don't realize how you will be helped here. I hope that when I sign back in someone has a story to tell. Have a great day everyone, {HUGS}

Feeling Better....

I just wanted to say thank you to all that have supported me through starting this blog, soon I hope that it will be a website. Depression is hard for me, and when I have positive people come into my life it makes it a lot easier to live with. Anxiety I have got that under control, as I was posting last night I got that wavy vision, (silent migraines), I hate when that happens. When I was conceived my biological mother did not want me, she gave me at the age of 6 weeks 2 elavil and gave me a bottle behind it, got my sister and was headed to the store so that it would look like my daddy did it. But she felt guilty and came back and told him what she had done. When he found me I was not alert they rushed me to the hospital, I died 3 times, and was in a coma and packed in ice for 3 days, by the grace of God I made it!!! In the 70's it was hard for a dad to get custody of minor children, but my dad's case went all the way to the Supreme Court, and he won the rights to get me and my sister back it took a year but he did it. His case changed the laws in our State. That played a huge part in my having Anxiety because I always wanted an answer why she couldn't give it to me. My dad met my mamma she was 17 and took a 1, and 2 year old on she didn't have to do but she did and I thank God everyday she did. I know that it was hard on her because having a baby at 18 as I did just having one was hard. My sister and I are 11 months apart, we had our first babies on the same day 10 hrs apart, and our last babies in the same day. I miss her she lives away from me now that took a toll on me when she left because she was my rock, I had a place to go with my boys when things got bad here.  She is special to me. I don't hold a grudge as I did for a long time because I was never accepted by my biological mother, I did talk with her I don't now I have a mamma. When i was really bad with my anxiety back 17 years ago, my husband would stay up with me at night, he had to work the next day ,but he did it, I was afraid of someone breaking in the house, I would time him on how fast he could load the gun, to see if it was enough time to save us. Trust me I could go on for days as I look back.......but thanks for listening if you would like to post please do. And thanks again for visiting.....{HUGS}

Just a link......I will post here forever but I started a new FB page

I have started a Facebook page for Anxiety and Depression, here is the link,http://www.facebook.com/pages/Anxiety-and-Depression-Group/373961255948312 If you would like to join please do, I finally let all of my friends that don't know that I have had this all my adult life, they know now. I love coming here and venting. I thank all of you that visit and those that post thank you, I know I have said that over and over, but it means a lot to me. I feel so much better tonight. Please listen to the song that was requested for me to listen to it is amazing~~~Josh Wilson~~~~Before the Morning. If you are visiting join be apart of an awesome group. There is a lot of support here. {HUGS}

Positive Energy

It helps so much to have someone tell you that you are somebody.  Don't let people talk down to you, you are somebody. Keep your head up high, know that you are somebody. Life isn't easy we all know that. It can be hard and there are hurdles that we have to climb to get up them, that's why I started this blog. Remember if God brought you to it, he will get you through it. Me having Depression as I do things get to me bad, hurt really easy. If you do to post it. Talk to us. No name needed, just your feelings. I was not male bashing on the post that I posted earlier, I just had to allow all of my viewers know why I have so much hurt and anger. But I have let my anger go, because it only hurts me to hang onto that. But the hurt I will hang onto for a little while. I hope that you have a great night, I will be back to post again before bed. Thanks for all that comes to view, and those who post. {HUGS}

Worrying Thoughts..........

Yes I have them, feeling of dread, wondering why me????? I take it day by day. I have separated myself from close family because I let them down. They were my positive energy. Honestly I have got so down that I do not leave the house. I hate that I'm like this. My husband is a huge part in me being unhappy. He isn't the man that I married, maybe he is it was just all a lie. He hurts me mentally, seeing him look at women on the internet, talking to other women. He is a liar, and a snake. I would not do something to hurt him in that way. It makes me feel ugly, unwanted. That is why I lean on my boys. I will find happiness one day soon. At this point in our marriage there should not be such to worry about. But he continues to do it, so be it!!!!! If you or someone you know has the same problem, if you are a man and your wife is hurting you in such of a way, get out!!!!!!! We all deserve to be loved honestly. 

Happy Tuesday!!!!

Hello everyone, hope that all of you are doing OK. Ugh I hate the mornings I get up shaking all over, I hate that. I'm going to live for today, not yesterday, or tomorrow.There is a lot that I would like to post about m life, but I just can't right now. It is hard to talk about. I have let myself down, I live a lie everyday of my life. What keeps me going is my boys, they are truly my life support. Please now I'm a good person, and if you come here as family you know what I'm talking about. Please if you feel down, or if something great has happened post!!!! It would make my day!!!!! will post again later have an awesome day!!!!HUGS}

Take a moment for you......

Go for a walk, take a hot bath and just dare anyone to disturb you. Get your spouse to give you a massage, or if you can afford it go let a professional pamper you. Take a drive, listen to the birds. Have a date night, I know with having small children it is hard, but make time. Life is to short to live without love from that special person, that is suppose to be your life partner. Please post or join would love to get to know you. {HUGS}

Just a few questions

I have a little questionaire,


1. How long have you had depression?
2.How long have you had Anxiety?
3.Do you have it under control?
4.Do you have a great support group?
5.How do you deal with your illness?


I have had this for 17 years, I think at times that I do have it under control, and may have a down fall, I'm not good with change. I do at times, my hero's are my 2 youngest boys ages 11, and 7. They know when mom is down and they pray for me. They are my support group. This blog is how I have found that I can deal with this, and I don't want to offend anyone by calling what I have an illness, if you feel different please know I'm not throwing you out there. I have just this year been diagnose with Bipolar Disorder. I await to hear your answers no names needed unless you would like. If you would like to follow me please do.

Happy Monday

I hope all is well with you today. Remember to be positive. Hard to do yes I know. At this point in my life, seeing a Therapist I have just became a number not a patient. He has heard all about me and my falls. I have a huge problem with eating when I get down. I have been in the low 90's and was so sick looking.I take a med that helps with weight gain, and my appetite. It is my "miracle"med. I don't like to refer to my meds as drugs, technically they are, but I feel better using meds. If you are in a bad way today, and you have found my blog, post how you are feeling. There are several that have visited my blog, and will help me help you I'm sure. Trust me I have been there, the wondering thoughts, thinking I'm having a heart attack, cancer. Panic is real, as is Depression. You would not believe how talking can help. I myself have found that out this weekend. Don't suffer in silence. I'am here to help. Post. And thanks to all that have visited. {HUGS}.

You are so right stayingpositiveforu

I so totally agree with you I know this isn't a death sentence, I want to show others that you can have a support group to vent what ever you feel and I thank you for the post they have helped me a lot. Thant is all that I have ever wanted to do is help others. Please stay with your honesty you are an inspiration, {HUGS}

Thanks for the post

I want to send out a heart felt thanks for posting I'm having trouble posting a reply. It means a lot to me, please continue to come and post as you would like, {HUGS}

Hanging on by a thread

I have a lot of very big decisions to make. Yes I'm still hurt, but will soon be over it. I have God on my side. Please don't think that i'm pushing God onto anyone, but I will tell you with out him I would not be where I'am today. I hate when I get almost to a point in my life that I can cope with this illness, and someone that is suppose  to care about you hurts you. I ask myself why???? What did I do to deserve what has happened.But you know what it isn't my fault, life has it's way of showing you things, never just let the gut feeling go, every time I have had it I was right. At this point in time I have no where to go, but that is subject to change real soon. I appreciate all that has visited , and those who will visit for the first time, post if you would like. I really did not want to post today, because all I have done today is sit in a room. That is not a way to live. I will be checking during the night I will be up. I hope to hear from you soon, {HUGS}

Your home life

If you are living with someone that hurts you, get out!!!!!! Don't be No like me and let your life waste away thinking he will change, because he won't. No matter your age you can find someone that loves you for you, and doesn't have to have other women that he calls names that he calls you, by names I mean the names he gave you that one time in your life that he really loved you. I not only stay mentally sick but physically sick because I find things on him and he lies and makes me feel crazy. If you have the same problem I do about not trusting your man, LEAVE HIM!!!!!!!!! It isn't worth it. My anxiety level is through the roof as I speak to you now. I was in such a great mood, he has been on every single site there is. NO my marriage is far from perfect. I guess I just need to vent because it hurts, I have enough on my plate without having to worry about a 40 year old man cheating. Oh what I wouldn't give to be able to be someones one and only. You may see me do this a lot, because I have somewhere to vent to even if it just typing to calm the blood pressure. And the same goes out there for you men if your wife is doing things that hurt you and that are not what a spouse is suppose to be doing, leave her!!!!!!!!! I wish I could have the man I married back, but i don't know if I would know him. I'am so hurt. silent tears, but I can cry as I go to sleep when my little one won't hear me. I know this about anxiety and depression, i just had to vent and know I'am here for anyone that needs to talk I check my mobile every 30 or so just to see if someone is in need, I'm serious about this blog. I want to help. {HUGS}

I just wish.....

I just wish that no one had to go through this, I honestly do not know if the Depression, or the Anxiety is the hardest to deal with. When I got my first got my diagnosis, I was a huge mess. I remember as it were yesterday, I left the Dr. and I thought that I was loosing my vision. I was for sure that I was going blind, I had my Eye Dr. open his office on a Sunday and give me peace that I wasn't. As I look back I was going through panic attacks while being pregnant with my second son, heart racing, waking my grandma up to take my blood pressure etc. I'm 37 years old, I know that I'm getting older and I'am terrified of getting sick, or having some sort of surgery, and yes I dwell on things, and I know that I shouldn't but it is so hard to do. I have migraines, wavy vision when it happens it is scary. But I have taught myself that that is all it is and that it will pass. I stay tired all the time, I'm now on vitamin b shots to help with that. I see some difference, not a lot but it takes a while to build up again, when you are so low. I want to thank all that has came to visit me, and those who come daily. I would love to hear your story, If you would like to tell your story, or have question, and remember there isn't a question that is crazy to ask. post it.......{HUGS}

Do you feel.........

Do you ever feel like no one is listening? Don't feel as though you are alone.
It is hard to explain to someone that has no clue what you are feeling. If you are alone, please know that you can post here, email me if you would like, talking about it makes you feel better. I know that everyone that knows me gets tired of hearing at times so I keep to myself. That is why I have started this blog, to get some support myself. I stay down a lot. You know if I was given the chance for this to all be taken away, I would not do it. I want to help people see that are new to the feelings, and the ones that have had it for a long time like me. Will check back later have a great night.......{HUGS}

Open UP

Happy Saturday all, I have had a pretty good day today, hope that you have. Please don't be ashamed to post here, you will have all the support that you need. This is good therapy trust me. I can't wait to get up and check to see if anyone has posted. I will not give up. If you are hurting , had a bad week post it. Don't live in silence please. {HUGS}

My past year

 To be honest with you, this past summer I pretty much stayed in the bed.Would get up long enough to walk the boys across the street to swim, I hardly left the house. This winter the same, I love to see the seasons change, but having seasonal depression also I hate to see fall come. I never went anywhere all summer, and have been a handful of places this winter. Depression can take over you so quickly it is hard to get back up again when you are down. But you can do it. Everybody needs a hobby, go for a walk, that helped me last summer me and the boys would walk the trails in the yard they had made. You never know how much your children see you unhappy, until they start calling you out on it. I would cry in silence and when we would say our prayers at night they would always pray for mommy. That meant the world to me.I know that life is full of ups and downs, I'm not good with change, I had a huge change in my life this past year, and that is what threw me into the depression that I was in. Please don't think you are alone with depression, or anxiety. You can post here, hope is in your future, as it is in mine. It hurts to smile a lot. If you have children put a lot of time with them you would be amazed at the moment you are spending with them, you think of nothing but that moment in time, cherish it. And sing even if to yourself, sing, smile, need to cry do it. I hope to hear from you soon, I will be posting again today. {HUGS}

Fear of dyeing

Ever feel you are at the end of your rope? I have been there. You try to explain what you are feeling, and it is so hard to demonstrate the running thoughts, the pain of your body doing things you never thought possible. My worst thought that I fear the most is that I'm going to die. Yes I have 4 boys, and I thank the good Lord above for them. They are my life, and I get scared a lot that I'm going to die and not be here for them. Even though I have a hold on what I go through I still fear that.If you do not have a support family, I want you to write a post, and tell me about you, or if you have family, friends that are going through this. It matters not your age, or what you feel, post it!!!!! Are you angry, sad, post it. Your post could help someone else. 

Let's do this together

I just wanted to allow all that views my blog, I will be blogging daily. I can't wait to hear from you, and to talk with you. I'm here to share my journey and things that have helped me to cope, and maybe they will help you to cope also. It took me years to accept that I didn't have post pardon depression. That I was going to have this for the rest of my life. But hey it's ok. I want to help others and I feel that I can. Have a wonderful day. Hope to hear your story soon. :)..........Kim

Welcome

Hi,I would first off like to say WELCOME!!!! A little a bit about me, I'm a mom of 4 handsome boys. Married to the love of my life going on 20 years. I have had Anxiety, and Depression for going on 18 years. When my second son was born is when my life of I'm invinsible ended. I had a 2 year old, and a 3 month old. When it hit me it was the most horrible fear anyone could ever have, i couldn't breathe, my heart was raising out of my chest, a sensation of fear would immerse from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet.I went for months fighting it, refusing medication. I told Dr's they were crazy. But I will tell you this if I could go back I would have taken the medication, because I lost months of my boys life because I was scared of a medication.I'am not here to say that medication is the way, or not the way it is what is good for you. Me I take medication. If I have one today it is as though it is the first one I ever had. Same fear and I look for my "per say" comfort zone, which is my husband. There have been times I have been alone and talked myself through it. If you are going through this let no one tell you "It is all in your head" "Get a grip". What you are feeling is REAL. The hospital knew me by name. I felt that if I was sitting in that hospital I was where I needed to be if I had a heart attack, brain tumor, cancer, I had everything you can think of. If i seen someone on T.V with Breast Cancer, Yep I had it. To be honest I'm here to help me also, helping others helps me. I would love hear your stories, talk, cry, please feel free to post your heart out, it really is great therapy. I have a lot of days that I'm down. Down more than I'm up to this day. I keep it inside a lot, because all has heard it all before. Stress is not my best friend, but I have a lot of it. I'm looking forward to meeting new people, if I can help just one, I did what I have saught out to achieve. I hope to see a lot of blogs. Lets get a hold together!!!!!