Things that worry me in my home life......

Just wanted to check in today, I feel somewhat better. Still depressed. You see I worry about EVERYTHING!!! My oldest son is showing some signs of depression. and it scares me. I don't want him to be like me on meds the rest of his life. I want them all 4 to live life to it's fullest, with no regrets. They all 4 have not grew up in a house that they should have. My husband and I have left him several times. I was gone a whole year, I have been back here a year in May. Things here are not the same they never will be again. I have changed, and so has he. I miss the man that he used to be, that man isn't nowhere to be found, and I have come to accept that. He is OK where we are in life, I'm not, He hasn't worked in going on 4 years. It is hard for me to respect him knowing his mom is taking care of us, and he is OK with that. He feels that doing these articles online he is going to make money. If that were true everyone would be on their computers. I just wish that he would get a real job. I hope you all are having a good day. I shall post later, look forward to hearing from you, {HUGS}

Today

Today has been a bad day for me, I woke up with a lymph node swelled in my throat, and it scared me, I have been panicking inside wondering what it is. As the tears roll I hate this. I'm not a hypochondriac  I'm a person that is afraid of surgery, cancer, and dyeing. IT scares me until this day, and I have come to realize that when it is my time the Good Lord is going to take me no matter what I say. I sat here and tried to tell my husband how I felt, he has been so rapped up in hubs and things that we his family have become obsolete. I was crying out to him he just typed away, I know he feels his work is important, but it is like LOOK I need you to listen to ME can I have 5 minutes of your time. That's why I'm glad I can come here. If you come here and you know me personally, know that I have anxiety I'm still me, but I do worry a lot, This isn't a fun disorder to have, and to fight it alone at times is so hard. Like I told you before, having an attack is just like having the first one. I'm sorry that I'm not real supportive at this moment. I just had to vent, I hope to hear from you, and know that your words are important to me, Please post if you feel up to it. 

Feeling down:(

I just don't feel like I'm reaching anyone, it makes me sad. I hope that some of you are getting something out of this. {HUGS}

You ask me questions..........

Anything that you might want to know about me,ask. Maybe some quiet viewer will ask me something. I'm an open book, and will answer to the best of my ability. I await to see a question. Thanks again for viewing my page it means a lot. {HUGS}

Symptoms..........

Sometimes I feel that my meds are not working anymore. That they just take the edge off. My head crawls all the time above my ear, it comes and goes, and it is very irritating. I have heart palpitations, they have got better.  I'm in a world of hurt with stomach problems, I can eat and then 6 to 7 hours later I'am up with pain. But this has been happening for a year, I have pretty much just got used to it. anyone have any ideas on what it might be I would appreciate some response to what you think that it might be. My nerves don't help.

I know that you probably in your life of depression, you have had some symptoms that have scared you, I'm so sorry that you have had to go through it to, I feel for each and ever one of you that comes here. We are all in this together. Depression and Anxiety is controllable. A lot of people see a therapist, and a lot of people use meds. I was just giving you some symptoms that I have even though I'am on meds. Please if you feel like posting, do. Would love to hear you story. And thanks again for reading my post. 

My Thoughts..........

As I sit here and look out the window, I wonder why, and when I will be able to smile again, I'am so unhappy. Yes I know that it is up to me to make myself happy. A vacation would be so nice. I have to look at it this way, Yes I'm unhappy, but there is someone out there fighting for their life with cancer, a child suffering from some kind of cancer, and I think I have problems. There is a woman,man, or child suffering in silence because they are being beat on a daily basis. I wish that I could save them all, There is someone out the with a bad drug addiction crying out for help, and no one sees it. The homeless, I know they had something at one time. Please know that I'am writing my thoughts, these are the people that I think about when I get down. I want you to post your thoughts, you do not have to give a name, If you are suffering talk about it, it helps I promise. {HUGS}

Wanted to tell you about..........

I want to tell you about my Granny, She is a nurse, when I started having panic attacks 17 years ago, I was so glad her and paw paw lived minutes away from me, granted  I went there a lot. When this started, I was scared of everything. They always made me feel better. I just wanted you to know that it was a blessing to have them there for me, My paw paw is with Jesus, now can't wait to see him again. My Granny is still going strong. If you read this Granny Thank you, I love you. I don't know if you have the same problem that I have but the nights were, and sometimes are the worst for me. We never realize how the ones around us are feeling,I mean that honestly, all I cared about was me, what was wrong with me. It was not done intentionally, I look back and it was selfish of me. Please if you are going through panic, and or depression, post there is help here, you do not have to give your name. I just want to know that I'am helping just one person by reading my post, leave a comment. {HUGS}

Having a Venting buddy.......

I hope that you have someone that you can go to when things just don't feel right. I have one, she is great she is a mom of 2 beautiful girls, and a true friend to me. It always helps to talk it out. I am asking all of my viewers that come if you pray please say a prayer for her and he family her mamma is in the hospital, and she live away from her mom and it is hard for her to get to her mom when she needs, and wants too. I wish that we were a world with no hurt, and no pain, but we wouldn't have choices. It is so beautiful here today I am going to go out and get some vitamin D with my boys. We go for walks, and talk. I just love them so much. I will soon be loosing my oldest to the Air Force, I try not to think about it, because it hurts, but I think that he needs some structure in his life, and maybe this will be good for him. Life is so fast forward now it is hard to believe that we don't stop to smell the flowers. Please post if you want, you don't realize how you will be helped here. I hope that when I sign back in someone has a story to tell. Have a great day everyone, {HUGS}

Feeling Better....

I just wanted to say thank you to all that have supported me through starting this blog, soon I hope that it will be a website. Depression is hard for me, and when I have positive people come into my life it makes it a lot easier to live with. Anxiety I have got that under control, as I was posting last night I got that wavy vision, (silent migraines), I hate when that happens. When I was conceived my biological mother did not want me, she gave me at the age of 6 weeks 2 elavil and gave me a bottle behind it, got my sister and was headed to the store so that it would look like my daddy did it. But she felt guilty and came back and told him what she had done. When he found me I was not alert they rushed me to the hospital, I died 3 times, and was in a coma and packed in ice for 3 days, by the grace of God I made it!!! In the 70's it was hard for a dad to get custody of minor children, but my dad's case went all the way to the Supreme Court, and he won the rights to get me and my sister back it took a year but he did it. His case changed the laws in our State. That played a huge part in my having Anxiety because I always wanted an answer why she couldn't give it to me. My dad met my mamma she was 17 and took a 1, and 2 year old on she didn't have to do but she did and I thank God everyday she did. I know that it was hard on her because having a baby at 18 as I did just having one was hard. My sister and I are 11 months apart, we had our first babies on the same day 10 hrs apart, and our last babies in the same day. I miss her she lives away from me now that took a toll on me when she left because she was my rock, I had a place to go with my boys when things got bad here.  She is special to me. I don't hold a grudge as I did for a long time because I was never accepted by my biological mother, I did talk with her I don't now I have a mamma. When i was really bad with my anxiety back 17 years ago, my husband would stay up with me at night, he had to work the next day ,but he did it, I was afraid of someone breaking in the house, I would time him on how fast he could load the gun, to see if it was enough time to save us. Trust me I could go on for days as I look back.......but thanks for listening if you would like to post please do. And thanks again for visiting.....{HUGS}

Just a link......I will post here forever but I started a new FB page

I have started a Facebook page for Anxiety and Depression, here is the link,http://www.facebook.com/pages/Anxiety-and-Depression-Group/373961255948312 If you would like to join please do, I finally let all of my friends that don't know that I have had this all my adult life, they know now. I love coming here and venting. I thank all of you that visit and those that post thank you, I know I have said that over and over, but it means a lot to me. I feel so much better tonight. Please listen to the song that was requested for me to listen to it is amazing~~~Josh Wilson~~~~Before the Morning. If you are visiting join be apart of an awesome group. There is a lot of support here. {HUGS}